After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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