I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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