apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
