I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
