How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
