Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
