Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's always time for handjobs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
