wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
