He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
