Banned from zoo.
Again?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
God I need to hump something, right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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