I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
