I puked a lego.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
