margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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