My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize