I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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