Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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