I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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