The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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