I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
