I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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