Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
