when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize