The best revenge is premature balding
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
