I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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