so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
