he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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