You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
