I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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