not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
