she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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