I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
