Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
