Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
