I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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