Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
