you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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