Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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