The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So much rum. So many feels.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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