I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
