I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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