everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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