onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
