Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
