oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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