ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
