Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
