I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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