I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
