a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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