check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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