Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
