I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
