I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...so i touched it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i drank out of a bidet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
