I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize