Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
