i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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