i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
