is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
