I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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