dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
