i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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