I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
