I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
