we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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