The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
