My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize