i permit you to call me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
