xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
