I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
