My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize