I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
