he shaved USA in his pubs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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