new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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