it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
