At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
